


Fruition

by roguefaerie



Series: The Adventures of Nonbinary Sam Winchester and Their Angel Gabriel [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Background Relationships, Established Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Non-Binary Sam Winchester, Non-Explicit, Nonbinary Character, Other, This chapter is really gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23045728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguefaerie/pseuds/roguefaerie
Summary: Sam finally makes it to library school, and continues to enjoy the freedom of their environment and home. Not being very good at being a Winchester has its perks.
Relationships: Gabriel & Sam Winchester, Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Series: The Adventures of Nonbinary Sam Winchester and Their Angel Gabriel [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644766
Kudos: 20





	Fruition

Gabriel had left, and the glittery feel of magic everywhere went with him. Almost. Some of it stayed with Sam, especially in their head. Gabriel was never gone from there, never long gone at all. It was only the times they met in the flesh that didn’t happen as often as Sam would have wanted, if they were given a choice.

There was still more to say about the apartment. Sam felt like if they could have friends over they would just talk and talk and talk about how amazing it was. In fact, it was amazing that Sam didn’t just talk everyone’s ears off, with how little they got the chance. But they knew--a lot of what they knew, what they could say, would fall on deaf ears. Half in and half out of people’s heads.

They weren’t really ready to be social at library school, and so they weren’t, and if they didn’t start the conversations, then those conversations weren’t begun The opportunity had not really presented itself as far as they were concerned. 

Yes, they were insular. They didn’t want to explain. There was no way to explain what Gabriel had given them over time.

There were no words in civilian language for the kind of life that Sam was living, at least not words that Sam could use.

And so they walked the halls of the school during the day, quiet. Not exposing anything about their life for anyone else to see.

And on days away from school, when they could be themself simply at home, they had time to think, and dream, and know themself in a way they couldn’t be known by strangers and civilians.

They bought the second hand clothes they wanted to: a lot might be short, but it was always worth trying things on, messing around with presentation in front of a mirror even if it was only in their own space. They started to feel more fluid, in waves, and being able to consider the whole thing a walking experiment really helped.

Most of all they knew who was guiding them and who had helped provide for this little bit of freedom that was actually so huge. Sam would reach for Gabriel inside their head and ask, “Hey, what about this?”

Gabriel would send back laughter, tinted with light and say, “You decide. Keep going.”

Or, when Sam couldn’t sleep Gabriel would talk first: “Try to relax. You know. People like us, we have all the magic. You don’t have to worry so much. Just be.” Sam would consider protesting, but the words calmed their breathing and they would ease back against their pillows. They guessed maybe they didn’t have a choice about the magic. But that didn’t have to be a bad thing. 

With the magic came Gabriel, and all the assurance in the world.

*~*~*

Sometimes in front of the mirror Sam tried out new pronouns, ones they caught on the edge of their thoughts or their lips. Would they go back to _he_? No. They had never been a he. Would they choose a different pronoun for their dressed up days? It might require more talking to people if they did. About their pronoun. About their right to exist.

The less that others had a way in to discussing and qualifying Sam’s gender, the better off they would be, they knew.

Their pronouns only slipped back and forth a little when they were giving it too much thought for their own good.

Maybe one day, when there were more people like them around. Maybe one day.

*~*~*

Still, there was so much room and room to grow where Sam lived now, and they grew into themselves in the solitude of not-a-hunter. They imagined and then didn’t have to imagine becoming rounder and softer as the pressure of the hunt dissipated from their life and they began to eat as if they would be staying in one place. They naturally grew into their shape and their gender both. 

At night, or in any moment of uncertainty in the quiet, they reached for Gabriel--they reached for the stars and the moon and could journey upward to their constant companion whenever they needed to.

The peace they felt in the quiet was unlike any they’d felt as a child or in their young adult life, and in their home they were a blossom and their heart could finally, finally fill with hope, and breathe.

*~*~*

They did not have to apologize for being bookish at library school, or not being talkative. There was a hush around any of the students who wanted things that way, a quiet respect and a common knowledge of why the students were there. 

There was also more to keep Sam busy than they had ever experienced before in their life, and sometimes it made even their worries quiet, like what Gabriel was doing or whether Dean was all right on hunts. 

Only sometimes though.

Still, it was frequently enough, especially when Sam added in special interest groups and came to realize they really were talking more in library school than they ever had to anyone before, even Dean.

And they had seen Dean every day and--

But that had never really been the safest thing for Sam. Keeping their own counsel had always been necessary. There was too much going on inside of Sam to let Dean in.

There were so many days to think about it, though, especially on the long car rides, and then to decide again and again--no.

Sam couldn’t.

Even when they had wanted to, it felt impossible to actually go through with.

But now there were so many days in a row when they felt like a blossom planted exactly where they were supposed to be.

They could credit Gabriel with that, and with their every breath they felt how different everything was, and how many things had had to come together just perfectly the way Gabriel had set them, for all of this to be working out the way it was.

Sam’s dreams were coming true, and in some ways this was the happiest they had ever been. Still, other times Gabriel’s words would float to them: a simple _I’m proud of you_ floating through Sam’s head that they knew came from the angel who had given them all of this.

Sometimes it was enough to bring tears to Sam’s eyes even while their heart swelled.

There was always room for their heart to swell all the more.

**Author's Note:**

> The next chapter is in progress, and it is possible that it is the last one. It doesn't stand alone, but it stands apart from this segment.
> 
> Writing through some fairly heavy personal times but trying to get all my projects done, especially the ones I promised I would expand on (like this one of course), so thanks for bearing with.


End file.
